Beyond #Blessed: A Tech Humanist's Guide to Rethinking Digital Age Gratitude
On digital performativity, mindful appreciation, and maintaining our humanity in an era of optimized thankfulness and an automated world
In our rush to quantify and optimize every aspect of human experience, we seem to have managed to turn even gratitude into a metric. Count your blessings. Track your thankfulness. Optimize your appreciation. But I’ve been pondering the shadow side of this: What happens to authentic human connection when we reduce it to digital checkboxes and automated prompts?
I've spent years studying the intersection of technology and humanity, and I've noticed something peculiar about our relationship with gratitude in the digital age. We've created endless ways to express thanks — reaction buttons, automated anniversary posts, gratitude journaling apps — yet somehow, the genuine feeling of appreciation seems more elusive than ever.
Digital Performance vs. Genuine Connection
Here's a thought experiment: When was the last time you clicked "like" on a colleague's work anniversary post? Now, be honest — was that a moment of genuine appreciation, or just digital muscle memory? The answer might make you uncomfortable. It should.
Don't get me wrong — I'm no digital curmudgeon. The technology that enables us to recognize and celebrate each other's achievements is remarkable. I've written thousands of technical articles and published countless insights, building on the brilliant work of others. But there's a crucial distinction we're missing: the difference between performative gratitude and genuine appreciation.
Take AI tools, for instance. When ChatGPT helps craft an email, where should our appreciation land? With the AI? The developers? Our own judgment in using and refining its output? The answer isn't straightforward — and that complexity is exactly what we need to embrace.
What I'm proposing instead is what I call "mindful appreciation" — a practice that acknowledges both the vast ecosystem of support around us and our active role within it. Yes, we stand on the shoulders of giants. But let's not forget — we're doing some pretty impressive climbing ourselves.
The Gift Horse Paradox
This becomes particularly relevant when we consider that age-old advice: "Don't look a gift horse in the mouth." With all due respect to ancient wisdom, I think the Trojan Horse has something different to teach us: Sometimes, examining gifts more closely isn't just prudent — it's essential.
In our world of "free" digital services, this scrutiny isn't ingratitude — it's digital literacy. Every platform "gift" comes wrapped in terms and conditions, some visible, others less so. Think of it as the fine print in the social contract of the digital age.
But here's the real insight: This awareness doesn't have to lead to cynicism. Instead, it opens the door to what I call "clear-eyed appreciation" — the ability to genuinely value what we receive while understanding its full context. Whether it's venture funding, open-source contributions, or professional opportunities, we can appreciate the doors that open while being mindful of why and how they opened, and what is asked of us in return.
The sweet spot? It's that delicate balance between gratitude and self-respect, between appreciation and awareness, between acknowledging help and owning our achievements. This isn't just about feeling good — it's about maintaining our humanity in an increasingly automated world.
Kate O’Neill is widely known as the Tech Humanist. She is a speaker, author, researcher, and advocate whose work focuses on making sure that as we progress technologically, we don't lose sight of human values. She is founder and CEO of KO Insights, a strategic advisory and solutions firm that helps help businesses navigate the future by exploring the intersection of technology and humanity; in essence, helping businesses use technology to create a more human-friendly future. Her next book, What Matters Next: A Leader's Guide to Making Human-Friendly Tech Decisions in a World That’s Moving Too Fast, published by Wiley, will launch in January 29, 2025.